


The One Thing You Leave Behind Is How Did You Love

by WhisperOfTheDay



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Love, Closure, Coping, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Found Family, Gen, Ghost Wilbur Soot, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I love sbi so much it physically hurts, Mental Breakdown, My First Work in This Fandom, Past Character Death, Post-Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), References to Depression, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Technoblade is Bad at Feelings (Video Blogging RPF), Touch-Starved, Wilbur Soot Needs a Hug, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade are Siblings, a glimpse of it, ghostbur is precious, literally weeped while writing, mmmmmmm niceee, multiple nights, of Tommy by Dream, references to suicidal thoughts, wilbur soot gets a hug!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:55:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28360512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhisperOfTheDay/pseuds/WhisperOfTheDay
Summary: Wilbur gets a tombstone. It's in the middle of nowhere, but at least it's accessible for those who care. And the view is nice.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Technoblade, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 17
Kudos: 244





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction featuring the characters, not the content creators themselves. 
> 
> The first chapter is set near the begging of Tommy's exhile, second week or something.
> 
> Enjoy the pain ♡

Tommy noticed how ugly and uneven the top of the rock was only after he burried half of it's oval, and it was a huge fucking rock, he wouldn't be moving it anymore. He pulled a few muscles pushing it onto a wooden cart to carry to the chosen clearing. And then the ride _uphil._  
  
Still, he did a lousy job. Because of course he did.

  
  
He stared. His strength had evaporated when he finished scribbling the surname with his knife. He just. Stood up, took a few steps back, and stared.  
  
  
  
Grass whistled aggressively in a stormy wind. Blue-grey clouds assembled at early dawn, and seemed to hang lower and lower with each hour. Tommy thought of the cruel accuracy of this world's weather. Fitting the mood. Fitting the scene. As if someone was filming a movie. It made him feel better sometimes, to imagine he was just an actor, and the movie was about him. So he better play his part well. Be epic. Be interesting to watch.

  
  
The scene must have been indeed interesting, cause it wasn't long before leaves and twigs crunched under someone's light footsteps. Tommy signed, tired, and pulled an _incredibly_ exasperated face that he reserved for Dream only.  
  
The man stopped right by the teen, looking in the same direction ahead and downwards. Tommy refused to look at him. There was a moment of silence, safe for Tommy's quickening angry breathing as he prepared for a verbal torture. At last, the clay mask turned to him.  
  
"Tommy, th-"  
  
"Okay dipshit I know what you gonna say, okay??! But rules don't apply to this, I made this myself yes but I can't use it to escape or whatever, it's the only thing I did today so you better leave it be if you have any humanity in you at all which i doubt but still-!!" Tommy gasped for breath, thinking over what he rattled, if it needed any adittions. He had to protect this, whatever it takes.

  
The stare contest began. The teen couldn't read Dream's face, but he tried to read his body language. The man stood still (thats when he's most terrifying). Tommy was already preparing another rant about Dream being a heartless bastard, thinking up most colouful slurs, but then-  
  
"I won't detroy it. It's of no use to either of us, what would be the point."

  
... It hurt. To hear Dream talk like that about Wilbur's tombstone. As if it really was nothing, nothing of importance.

He had wanted Dream to make a big deal out of it, he realised.  
  
Tommy fists shook by his sides, he tried very hard to keep in the rage that now had no outlet. He couldn't provoke Dream with an outburst. Dream for once wasn't blowing up what Tommy deemed valuable, so he must be grateful, silently.  
  
  
Dream made a short "hmph" noise, on the verge of a snicker, but too low to be a laugh. Tommy was this close to jumping at the man and biting his face off, when he realised how pathetic he must seem. The green bitch would burst into laughter any moment now, taunt him and poke him. He wished Dream would just leave him be, leeave him alone, just _leave silently. At least-..._  
  
At least out of respect for Wilbur.  
  
  
  


" _Hey guys_!"

  
Dream half turned and Tommy spinned around towards the oh so familiar voice.  
  
" _Hello Tommy, hello Dream! What's up! What are you two doing out in this wonderful- but not as wonderful as it could be- weather?_ " Ghostbur flew up to them, smiling cheerfully.  
  
"I payed Tommy a quick visit," Dream said.  
  
" _Oh, I'm here to pay Tommy a visit too!!_ "  
  
"Heh. But I was just leaving, so. See you soon, right Tommy?"  
  
Everything in the teen screamed to reply. _Don't antagonize don't antagonize don't provoke don't antagonize._ But he chose to be stupid yet again, and only glared. Damn his pride.

Dream made another "hpmh" noise and made his way back to the boat. When he passed Wilbur, the ghost briskly turned to hover in front of Dream.  
  
  
" _You seem sad, buddy. Have some Blue!_ " Will straightened and lowered his feet on the ground so it was like he stood on it. He took a small transparent stone out of.. thin air, and handed it to the masked man.  
  
Wilbur's face was urgent for a moment when he held the stone out, as it slowly but steadily saturated in colour. Dream took it, momentarily confused how he could be taking anything physically solid from a ghost, and quickly shoved it in his hoodie pocket.  
  
"Thanks," Dream said, voice chirpy. A huge smile lightened up Ghostbur's face.  
  
" _Have a good day, Dream, bye-bye!_ "

  
  
Tommy's unfocused gaze followed the green figure until it reached the shore. Their clearing was a bit higher up on a hill, hidden from below by the trees, the view was beautiful. Tommy lingered on the skyline and storm clouds that hanged ever low, making air heavy. Waves broke on the sand angrily and loudly, but still far away.

  
  
" _Tommy_?"

  
"What."

  
" _Have you grown tired of me?_ "  
  
Tommy turned back around to Ghostbur, who was transfixed on the tombstone. Because of course he was, god dammit. Tommy should have focused on Will, not on his personal tyrant, what was he thinking.  
  
" _Are you tired of me?_ " Ghostbur repeated, voice small, still not looking up.  
  
"What? No?"  
  
" _I understand_ ," Ghosbur's voice was soft, this bittersweet tone to it that was always there now. A tremble that was always there. No matter what he was saying, he seemed to be crying inside. " _There always comes a moment when you have to let go_ ," he was saying.  
  
"No, Wilbur, no you're getting the wrong message here, it's not- I'm not putting you behind me, it's not what this is about."  
  
" _Tommy_ ," As their eyes met, Tommy wanted to cry too. He would never get used to those irises being so bleak, when they should be full of fire. " _You don't have to sugarcoat it for me, hovewer I really appreciate it-_ "  
  
"I AM NOT. THIS IS NOT- I- I wanted- I just-"  
  
" _It's okay. I promise._ "  
  
"IT'S **NOT**. **IT IS NOT!** I miss him!!!" Tommy cried out. "I mean _you_ \- I mean, no- I-....."  
  
A lump of something was blocking his throat, he wondered if he'd vomit, with the way his insides were churning. It cost great effort to inhale deeply, his lungs refusing to expand.

  
"I miss my brother, man. And I wanted a place where, that ...."  
  
" _A place to pray_?" Ghostbur supplied innocently.  
  
"Ew, Wilbur, no! As if! No. Ugh."

Silence hung heavy and uncomfortable for good 2 minutes.

" _I'm not helping by looking like him, aren't I?_ "

  
  
"... No. It-" Tommy wanted to say how much it hurts. To see Ghostbur every day. How he just wanted to get used to it and accept it and be glad his bro is still around in a way, still making him laugh and teaching him to build. Yes, he can focuse on that. Not on the fact that Ghostbur is a completely different person. Or entity, or.. whatever. Tommy lapsed into silence and didn't put in the effort to voice any of these thoughts.

  
  
" _And you.. want him back_ ," whichever word Ghostbur stressed in this sentence, the ghost didn't understand how this could be true.  
  
"I do. I would like to. and I wanted to do this sentimental," he gestured at the stone, "thing, so that.. there could be a place... y- you know. And a few words of... farewell."

  
_I don't want to say farewell. At the same time I do, I didn't get the chance. I can't pretend he's not gone. He is._  
  
_He is, and I miss him so bad._  
  
  
  
  
Thunder roared. Rain drip-dropped on the grass bellow Tommy. He sniffed once, twice, to at least not look so pitiful as he cried, and he allowed himself to cry, because he knew it was long overdue. As he was wiping his face on his sleeves, strength seemed to drain, his hands just remained over his eyes, and he breathed in them, each inhale more painful and ragged than the previous. Actually, if he was honest, he would like it very much to stay that way and hide in the darkness. For the world to just disappear.

  
But the world insisted on existing, and it grew steadily louder, and wetter. His hair and clothes started clinging to his skin in places. Tommy heard a sizzling sound, and it took way too much time for his depressed, self-pity ridden brain to put two and two together.

  
  
Ghostbur stood on the same spot, with both feet on the ground, completely still as a blue line run down his chin from his nose. Dissociation of his clothes in blotches went completely ignored. He felt Tommy's stare and looked up at him tiredly. Tommy, hovewer, became terrifyingly lucid headspinningly fast.  
  
  
"WILBUR WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK GET- GET BACK GET UNDER THE TREE- NO-RUN TO THE HOUSE," he tried to drag Will by the sleeve but his hand passed through, so he screamed even louder and waved his hands frantically like he was scaring cattle into moving. "GO GOGOGOGOGO FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKSHIT SHIT!!!"  
  
Rain got stronger as they ran past the trees, trying to stay mostly under foliage. Tommy slipped on dirt, profusely cursed, followed by Ghostbur's concerned "oh no". They reached the hut, Tommy barricading the door with his back, like they were escaping from a _wild_ _zomby demon_ , not from rain.  
  
Wilbur was looking absolutely shit. Dripping dark blue on the floor, streaks of it all over his clothes and one trailing from his nose still. His shoulders and beanie looked like something bit chunks off them. The aura around him seemed distressed and still sizzling quitely, while the ghost himself did nothing to fix the situation, just hovered in the middle of the Logstedshire hut, looking plainly at infuriated Tommy.  
  
"WHY DIDN'T YOU- WHY DID YOU KEEP-" _breathe_ , "- WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING???"  
  
" _You were upset, I don't want to ruin your moment._ "  
  
"I- I- I I wasn't having a moment!!!? I was being a stupid bitch!! And you were being stupid bitch right along, why didn't you hide???"

  
Two blue lines were now trailing from Will's nose. As he spoke the next words, another one ran from the corner of his eye.  
  
  
" _I'm sorry Tommy, I didn't want to leave you alone._ "  
  
  
And then it was just white noise.  
  
  
Tommy went to hug Wilbur.  
  
He wanted to burry his face in the taller man's fuzzy yellow sweater, to break down in his brother's arms, like he did when they found themselves exhiled and powerless, like he did when he was a snotty kid and had his very important toy broken by Techno, or when Phil scolded him too hard over a misdeed he was sure he didn't commit.  
  
He went to hug Wilbur, but phased right through. Tommy stopped short of the wall, having realised he walked right through Will, and it wasn't even Will, it was all that remained of him. Warped personality, cheerful only because everything shitty was cut away from his memories. So oblivious and friendly and naive and _not Wilbur._ Wilbur was gone. Forever.  
  
Heavy tremors ran down his whole body in waves. Knees buckled and brain shorted out. Up until this moment it didn't occur to him how _badly_ he wanted to touch someone, to feel the warmth of an embrace. Now it hit him with full force, and the pain was incomprehensible. It seemed like walls closed in on him, lungs imploded out of existence, his mind filling with seepy black substance, the longing and loneliness and grief swallowing him whole.  
  
Tommy wept louder than thunder outside, bending forwards so his forehead touched the floor, fists in his hair.  
  
Bodily tremors didn't cease, he rose his head off the floor and rocked back and forth, willing to do anything for it to hurt less. It didn't and he cried and cried and cried and cried.  
  


" _I'm sorry I'm not him._ "

  
  
It was much later when he heard the voice near him. It didn't scare him, it sat there beside him for all this time. Tommy's breathing has evened out by this point, and he sat hugging his knees with his back to a wall, listening to the rain. The voice continued.  
  
" _To be honest, I thought nobody liked Wilbur_."  
  
Tommy wanted to say that it's not true, was never true, but he knew he'd choke on his breath if he tried to speak. And.. was he certain it wasn't true?.. was he? The thought choked him up even more.

  
  
" _So I thought, its good that I wasn't him, you know? I was happy to not be him. Now that I see that it makes you miserable..-_ "  
  
_"No._ N-no _._ Please Wilbur, be happy, keep being happy, you- I don't want you to be miserable."

  
Ghostbur's irises almost dissolved in the white of his eyes due to him melting a bit, but were still visible, tinted a bit grey-blue. There was so much empathy and affection in that forworn gaze Tommy had to look away.

  
  
"Don't worry about me, alright? I'll be fine, you know, whatever," he said into his knees.  
  
" _I will worry_ ," Ghostbur said. " _You are my best friend. We fought through so many wars together, even before swords became sharp and made out of steel. We grew up together_."  
  
"Huh. I thought you wouldn't remember."  
  
" _Why?? How can I not? I remember all of our childhood, Tommy_."

  
Ghostbur bent forward into Tommy's line of vision.  
  
" _That says something, right?_ "  
  
Tommy sniffed, wiping the snot on the fabric of his jeans on his knees, but it only resulted in half dried mud smearing all over his nose. "Ew, uhh. Yeah, we just, fought a lot, between each other, so."  
  
" _And I always won._ "  
  
"Pfgh- no you didn't???"  
  
" _I did! Battles of both wit and strength-_ "  
  
"Oh oh yeah of _course,_ because you don't remember loses! You were always a sore loser."  
  
" _No, I remember statistics_."  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?" Tommy cried, throwing his arms in the air.  
  
" _I kept scores._ "  
  
"OH MY GOD you are so PETTY."  
  
" _Wow, who's a sore loser now, huh_?" Ghostbur laughed, an adorable sound multiplied as if coming from depths. He laughed louder at the extremely indignant expression on Tommy's face.  
  
"OOOOOOO THATS IT, NEXT TIME WE SEE TECHNO OR PHIL THERE'LL BE QUESTIONING AND THEY BETTER ANSWER RIGHT."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this for therapeutic purposes cause some stuff in dsmp plot made me Extremely upset, like Will apparently not getting a proper funeral??? and people jumping at Ghostbur to torture him with his alive self's past mistakes??? ohhh boii imma fight for both this man and his ghost ooooooo
> 
> im in great pain. But I'm so glad i fell into this fandom. I breathe found family and sbi are just a gift to this world. They are precious, they're everything
> 
> Second chapter will feature Techno and Ghostbur and more hurt/comfort. Stay tuned, and thank you for reading, I appreciate every piece of feedback ♡♡♡
> 
> p.s. i tried hard to figure out how to do coloured text on ao3, but apparently there's only ways to colour the whole work, with custom skins and shit. i wanted so bad for Ghostbur's lines to be blue, or grey t_t If anyone knows how to do that I'd be so grateful if you explained
> 
> p.s.s. Tittle from Shinedown's song "How did you love"
> 
> p.s.s.s. English is not my native so forgive weird wording and the like ^-^


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Techno was having a good hunt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have zero point 5 knowledge of the minecraft world, and I'm still not very good at navigating the canonical story timeline, so I'm just vibin here lol idc

Bowstring trembled as it stretched further and further. The hunter exhaled, slowly, focus unwavering. The wind currents traveled the snow prairie, rustling the bushes he hid behind, blowing in his face. So his prey couldn't smell him; he, on the other hand, could smell it very well. It filled his senses and excited the Voices. The moose stood tall and proud far ahead, where scrublands ended and forest began.  
  
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Release- **no wait stop!**  
  
A figure appeared in front of the animal, seemingly out of nowhere. The moose recoiled in surprise, ready to run but momentarily transfixed on the entity. It was much smaller than the animal, and clearly fearful, so the ungulate stomped all four of its limbs in threat, shaking its massive head slowly, the antlers imposing. The entity emitted a yelp and dissolved in the air. The moose recoiled again, just as an arrow whooshed past its neck. It snorted and didn't waste a second more before darting away into the forest.  
  
  
  
Techno lowered the bow, an expression of utter bewilderment stuck on his face.

  
  
_"Hello Technoblade_!"  
  
Techno jumped out of his skin as a loud and shrill " **E???** " escaped him. He almost toppled on the ground but kept balance, rising off the knee and rounding on the spirit that manifested on his left.  
  
"YO GHOSTBUR YOU JUST COST ME AND TOMMY DINNER!" Techno shouted, voice remaining high pitched and dare he say comical. So naturally the ghost didn't know better but to laugh.  
  
_"I am sorry, Technoblade, sincerely_ ," he giggled.  
  
Techno snorted in annoyance, "Yes I can tell."

  
Well, what was there to do. The sun wasn't to set for another 5 hours, he mused. He'll find another prey, maybe a deer, or a ptarmigan or two, maybe set a trap for them, he's been seing them more and more in the area.

  
His sensitive ears picked up sounds, coming from somewhere below him. A hidden ravine, must be. Hairs stood on his arms.  
  
Zombie noises.

" _What is it, Technobalde?_ " came a worried question as he stood up with dramatic flare, narrowing his eyes in the direction of barely heard roars.  
  
"Zombies. Our bloodline's arch enemies," That was a clear allusion to Philza; bloodline, too, was for dramatic effect, which Ghostbur was expected to appreciate, Wilbur having been the most dedicated drama queen of all history.  
  
But alas, Will didn't get the reference at all and just went straight to business.  
  
" _I'm looking for Friend_."

  
Techno furrowed, looking upwards from his task of packing up his bag, back turned to Will. "The sheep?"  
  
" _Yes, Friend the Sheep, my friendly sheep, my sheep friend._ "  
  
"Alright alright I got it," Techno forgot how nuisanced his younger siblings could make him feel at a minutes' notice, and it hasnt even been 2 hours since he left the now raccoon infested cabin. Ohh peace was never an option for him, was it? He stood up, throwing the bag over the shoulder carelessly, followed with the bow.  
  
"You kind of ventured a bit too far Ghostbur, it's cold for sheep in these parts already. Look. No grass," he kicked the snow with the right hoove, sprawling some frozen soil in the air too.  
  
" _Yes_ ," Ghostbur stared at the brown spots on white for a moment " _I suppose I did. But I'm glad I stumbled across you! I'll be less sad if we search together!_ "  
  
"Uh. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh _hhhhhhhhhh,"_ His dream of getting away from Tommy's racket and clinging-ness, and pretend he was still on vacation and not planning revenge for almost getting executed went out the metaphorical window. Ugh indeed. _"_ Whatever, aright."

  
  
Tencho gestured towards the forest, an hour walk in this direction would see them land in a warmer biome. Hovewer Techno found himself wishing Ghostbur just forgot about his sheep problem and let him hunt, and then go home with him before it snowed.

  
As they walked towards the treeline, the ghost crouched to inspect the hoove prints left by the moose with childlike wonder. Techno paused to wait for him.

  
" _You wanna know why I was sad?_ " Ghostbur asked once he settled into a matching pace near Techno. He was no longer hovering above the ground, but walking normally, only difference was the absence of soft crunching beneath his feet.  
  
"Because you lost your pet sheep?"  
  
" _Oh, I killed him. By accident. With an axe. While we were on a boat. Ranboo was there, and I spun around, the axe-_ "  
  
Techno turned to him, "Hey whoa whoa whoa, that's enough details, Ghostbur," he chucked, caught by genuine surprise by the turn in conversation. "It's not that I don't enjoy a good carnage-"  
  
" _His body fell overboard, the blood_ -"  
  
"I'm- hahah okay okay, hey," Techno moved to disentangle a hand from his cloak to put on the ghost's shoulder, but retracted it. Well, that was a tragic story, truly, but the hybrid couldn't help a snicker at the blank expression on Will's face. He was being so dramatic. "Let me be honest I'm kind of shocked you even remember this."  
  
_"I wanted to forget, but then I thought of all the people who get mad when i forget, and I thought Friend would get mad too if I forgot what I did to him, even if it was by accident."_  
  
Welp. This turned heavy fast.

  
Ghostbur's eyes were still in faraway distance, but they seemed now deeper, more burdened but at the same time more... more hollow. The lack of irises which Techno has gotten used to at this point wasn't helping at all as well.

  
"Sooooooooooo. You're searching for a new Friend," Techno ever gracefully changed course of the conversation, good job.  
  
Wilbur hovewer seemed insistent to continue with the heaviness, okay, whatever floats his boat, Techno can handle it, he totally can. " _So I decided to try to use as little of blue as possible, I think it works like a drug, if i don't use it for some time, I'll start remembering the past. The past past, pre-mortem_ ," he laughed humorlessly.  
  
  
Techno observed the smiling ghostly facade incredulously, his ear flicking as silence stretched. "Doesn't look like you're very enthusiastic about the prospect though," Techno prompted, brow raised.  
  
" _Oh I am most certainly not_."

  
  
There wasn't anything for Techno to say to that, so he didn't. He gradually relaxed as they continued walking, snow giving way to grass, the forest- to a pond, only half covered in ice, an already warmer biome. Techno decided to take a break to catch a few fishes, so that there was some food to bring home, because, since it got Ghostbur so upset, they'd spent the rest of the day actually searching for Friend (who can't be killed for food unfortunately). Tommy would make his life hell if he came back empty handed, and he isn't sure he'll be able to contain the bloodlust if he were to hear another technobitch joke. 

  
Techno crafted a two block wide pier, and almost forgot about Ghostbur, catching fish after fish, calm waters and chipping birds giving him serenity that he craved. After a while, a soft ghostly voice came from his left.

  
  
" _I remember fishing with Phil._ "

  
Techno cracked open an eye and snickered, "Oh yeah, you hated it. Having to sit still, must've been a pain since there's a needle up your arse to match Tommy's." Good memories, those were. He's glad Will hasn't lost them. "Ooooh what a torture it was for me when you two came along, you'd pick on me intead of dad, and we just wanted to have a good old time fishing. Some things don't change."

  
  
Wilbur only shrunk in on himself. Techno couldn't see, he sat with his eyes closed, smiling softly.

  
" _Fundy wouldn't fish with me. I am not... who he needs. I am not what everyone needs_."

  
A sniff was what finally pulled Techno out of a pleasant reverie and into the present. He turned to the ghost, who was wiping blue liquid off his lips and chin with sleeves of his sweater. The nosebleed instantly alarmed Techno, he didn't witness that happening before. He reeled the rod in and set the item aside. Worry overlayed calmness that he felt mere moments ago.

Ghostbur was looking miserable, more miserable than when he revealed Friend's fate, more miserable than Techno ever saw the entity be. That brought back memories of a certain teen, frank, like an open book, a depressed poet, ever young and ever troubled and never fully satisfied.

  
  
" _Friends come up to me to talk, but, often... always, well, most of the times, the ends to these conversations get all foggy in my memory and,"_ Wilbur wiped at a new streak with vigor now bordering on hysterical. " _People, people are so upset with Alivebur and they come to me and vent about all the stuff that he did that I don't remember, and, and ask for answers and reasons and I-,_ " he coughed up blue. He coughed up blood. " _And I don't want to remember how bad he hurt them. It hurts my head to remember, and it hurts_ ," he rose up from where he sat, nervous energy bubbling inside, and held his trembling hand over his chest, " _here. It hurts so m-much, Techno. It hurts so much, I_ -"

  
  
He sniffed loudly, before looking up at the hybrid who has risen right after him. " _Techno could you help me, could you explain to them that I'm not Wilbur? Please? I don't-..... I don't want to be associated with the man who caused this much s-suffering. And I don't want to remember, because then I'll turn into him."_  
  
The look that Ghostbur leveled him with knocked breath out of him.

  
  
_"I am so scared of that. More than of disappearing from this world completely_."  
  
  
Ghostbur was crying, and Techno held back tears of his own. He averted his eyes, sniffing once, transfixing on the bucket of fish below.

  
  
When he faced Ghostbur again, the spirit had hands clasped together covering and shaking over the lower half of his face, stubbornly not meeting Techno's eyes. His voice trembled, barely breaking past the barrier between realms of dead and living.

  
" _I'm sorry. I seem to only upset people. I'll leave you to your hunt._ "  
  
"Come here," Techno gestured with a gloved palm.  
  
Ghostbur shrinked on himself, but turned back around slowly. " _Why_?"  
  
"I want to hug you, idiot."  
  
" _You won't be able to. I'm not corporeal."_  
  
"....... come here anyway."

  
  
Wilbur fidgeted his hands in front of his chest and made one step closer, paused, then walked up to the hybrid, who slowly and gently closed his huge arms around him.

  
Yellow and brown filled Technoblade's vission as he lowered his face into Will's shoulder, or neck. He couldn't tell, it's all blurry. Up close, the translucency really showed. Hah, word play.

  
  
Coldness touched his back and stayed there, steadily soaking inside. Chills ran down his neck and spine, he felt hairs on his arms stand. A few stray tears fell, and went right through Will.  
  
Techno shuts his eyes, restraining from making a sound.

  
  
" _This feels nice._ "  
  
They stayed like this for a while, Ghostbur never once trying to wiggle his way out of the fantom hold. Techno wondered if that's because he actually enjoyed this display of affection, or because of the spirit's fear of displeasing anyone. The whole scene felt wrong on so many levels. Techno only hoped Ghostbur wouldn't pick up on his distress. His skill at hiding emotions was being tested.

  
  
Ghostbur's voice wavers, sounding even more distant and weak.  
  
" _Will you help me though, Techno?_ "  
  
"Yes, I will talk to those I meet, if we're on good terms and they aren't, you know, trying to murder me."

  
  
" _Thank you,_ " Ghostbur ignored the second part of the sentence completely, Techno guessed it wasn't important. Meh, it really wasn't.  
  
"I'll start with Tommy, then."  
  
" _Oh, no, Tommy- Tommy's fine, I- I talked to Tommy about it, long ago, he understands. It's all cool!_ " They disentangled. Techno stepped back, opting to glaze over the snowy scope for a moment. " _Even if he still calls me Wilbur sometimes, it's alright. I don't feel bad about it_."  
  
Techno nodded. "Good. Great. Well, since I'm wanted at the moment, the only other normal person who visits these parts-"  
  
" _This can- this can wait, buddy, there's- There's a certain something that Tommy made a while ago, that I completely forgot about and only just recently stumbled upon again that.. you would probably want to see._ "  
  
  


  
  
  
"I wish he was the one to tell me about this."  
  
" _Oh uh, see, he wasn't sure it was the right thing to do, I think? I don't remember all too clearly.. He was very upset. And he made this to feel better._ "  
  
"Mm."  
  
Sea breeze was whooshing through the clearing, picking strands of hair out of Techno's previously neat ponytail. His cloak was too heavy to be picked up by soft currents, but it still trembled slightly. Cirrus clouds tore the sky, signalling change in the weather.  
  
" _Does it.. make_ _you_ _feel better?_ "  
  
"It does."  
  
There was a single clapping sound. " _Oh wonderful!! I love when people feel better!_ "  
  
"How long has it been here for?" Techno nodded lightly towards the stone. His voice was lacking it's usual edge.  
  
" _I don't remember how many weeks it's been._ " weeks " _Time is a_ _rather blurry concept for me_ ," he chuckled.  
  
"Mm."  
  
Ghostbur was having trouble reading the elder's mood, which gave him anxiety. He interlinked his hands again and kept them closer to his chest.  
  
  
"Ghostbur?"  
  
The spirit swallowed. " _Yes_?"  
  
Techno's voice was deep, pensive. He sounded like a king. "You are your own entity now. One day everyone will stop blaming you for what Wilbur did. They will start taking your feelings into count, instead of using you as their screaming pillow. I will do what I can to make it happen sooner."

  
  
Ghostbur's pupilless eyes were soft and full of fondness as he smiled. " _That is very very nice of you, Technoblade. Thank you_." He sounded surprised though, like he didn't just ask this very favour of Techno an hour back. Techno realised with a pang that the ghost must no longer remember. He did catch a glimpse of the blue crystal on their way here. He exhaled, and carried on.

  
  
"What Tommy made here- it's called closure. This is closure for us, Ghostbur. A place to say goodbye, a place to keep coming to, one that's reminiscent of the past."

  
  
_A place to grief,_ Techno wanted to say, but for some reason, it felt too harsh a word for Will- for Ghostbur.

  
  
He had to stop calling the ghost by his "alive" name, but it kept slipping. What kind of hypocrite was he if he said Ghostbur wasn't Wilbur but kept thinking of him as Wilbur? The nickname just sounds awful to his ears, he dislikes it greatly, but he'll do so in silence. For his brother's comfort.

  
  
Oh the line between his late brother and this undead entity was so strange. But it existed, prominent in some places and completely blurred in others. If you look at it from one standpoint, he was only a husk of what Will was, but it didn't mean he didn't have personality, didn't mean he didn't deserve respect, freedom, friends, family, peace of mind. It didn't matter in the end at all, what he was. He was still Techno's younger surrogate sibling. And even if it didn't make sense, the hybrid's mind and body were adamant that it did, when chills traved down his spine and breath caught at the thought of hurting the ghost, or losing him.

  
  
Thought trains like these made Techno's brain melt and pour out of his mouth, so he didn't hop on those trains usually. But now, the circumstances prompted it.

  
  
A realisation pierced his mind. He could let himself think all these thoughts. He could let himself feel all these shitty things. He could tear down the mental wall that he built. This one time, in this one place. A scary idea really, but who is there to judge him? He can let it go.  
  
  
"And it's alright if it makes us sad. We're sad because we loved Wilbur. No matter what he did. And we miss him."  
  
" _Why does it make me so sad when you guys say that?_ "

  
  
Techno only hummed again, a smile appearing, and hanged his head. His blue cloak covered his form whole, making him resemble an icy monolith in the pool of yellow and red leaves. Thin strands of pink fell forward, rocked lightly by the wind. Tears slid from his cheeks and disappeared in the grass.  
  
  
  
Was it some never ending torture, that Ghostbur had to witness people he cared about be depressed because of him? It hurt him. He craved Blue very badly in this moment, but something told him that Techno would not like it if Ghostbur forgot what he said to him. Ghostbur could handle this sadness. For his brother.  
  
  
  
  
The ghost decided to give the man privacy by looking away. He didn't want to leave though, so he looked at the stone. It was interesting, how some small fluffy plants have alredy started growing on it. Ghostbur found that adorable, and made a mental note to check them out up close later.

  
  
The epitaph was simple, and it was quite a bit askew, skribbled with a knife or a metal nail, with a left hand, and with love.  
  
  
Wilbur Soot  
a good person  
  
  
  
Ghostbur thinks that in time he'll be able to associate the words " _good_ " and " _loved_ " with Wilbur. He can do that for the man, hovewer bad he had screwed up. He can learn to love him. He can try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to end this with underlining the importance of self-love and acceptance. I feel like Ghostbur's journey should've been of forgiveness, both of forgiving Alivebur and of people forgiving him, giving him peace of mind. 
> 
> Hope it wasn't too confusing, cause god knows I've confused myself while writing at multiple points, but i figured Techno is as confused about the whole Wilbur / Ghostbur situation, so i did what i could to portray it. 
> 
> I also really love that Ghostbur's much more content in opening up to his older brother than he is to Tommy. Because he feels that protectiveness and responsibility, and he knows Tommy's having a hard time, so he only tries to be there for him and ease his mind. Hovewer with Techno, he just lays it out on him, unthinking. A habit from days long past, when Wilbur found consolation in his elder, a person who he could tell anything to. 
> 
> There'll be epilogue which i wanted to squish into this chapter but ultimately decided it'll be good on it's own.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was just going, he knew what for and at the same time couldn't recognise why. Why he wants to. Why he needs it.

It wasn't as grim and grey a day as Tommy was used to in exile, with this being north. There were no clouds all morning. But he was in a bad mood and some sun wasn't going to fix it. At the thought of picking himself up by going to harass Technoblade, he felt tiredness settle in his body like lead. He groaned.  
  
  
Truth be told, he was faring _much, much_ better, living with Techno. So what he felt as he eventually slid his legs to the stone floor (cold, but he was wearing woollen socks), was guilt. He couldn't allow himself to feel like shit, when his life has started to improve so dramatically. He was with his brothers again, and he was safe and protected. Merely, what, a week ago, he could only dream about the warmth of a fireplace and hole-less clothes, and carpets and huge blankets, and smell of brewing potions and warm stew, and chests full of snacks and tools for him to pick any even though it pissed a certain someone off. He was living his best life at the moment, hell! So he couldn't let himself be miserable over lost friends, taken possessions and destroyed hopes. He's gonna take it all back! And he's gonna get back at them! And he's gonna....  
  
  
He's gonna stay in bed for the resr of today. The blanket was still tightly wrapped around him, and he considered flopping back down. He flopped back down. He stared at the ceiling. He didn't want to sleep, he didn't want to craft, he didn't want to goof around. He felt drained of energy, but still wanted to do _something._ His life was about movement and noise. If he didn't move, he was dead.  
  
A thought- a feeling, a memory rather- ran in goosebumps across his body. He knew what he wanted to do today.  
  
It was monumental effort on his part to discard the blanket, so he was proud. Go find another man as good with battling depression as he was. You won't. He was the best. The best for miles upon miles around, for sure. This being the end of the world, basically.  
  
  
He let the thought- the feeling, the memory- push him to get up, put on his shirt, wool sweater, pants, warm winter boots, blue signature mantle, grab the backpack, a few gapples and potions, and slide downstairs to exit right outside the horse stable.  
  
Tommy knew Techno would murder him if he found out he took Carl, but he wasn't gonna know. Techno had said the day before that he'd spend the whole of today in the vault, forging and shit. Plus, the horse has taken a liken to him, so it was actually its choice to go with him. He knew how to ride a horse, Phil taught them all. The familiar motions pulled his lips into a smile as he mounted the strong animal, after a small amout of coaxing. A warm feeling filled him.

  
  
They carried on through the snowy desert in a set direction, Tommy's mind filling with strange numbness the further they journeyed from home. He was just going, he knew what for and at the same time couldn't recognise why. Why he wants to. Why he needs it.   
  
  
It was an hour into ride when, behind them, one cobblestone tower became no longer visible over tree tops, and another one come into view far ahead. The sky had become light grey, and the tower stood out an ominously black contrast up front. It was so far up clouds ate at it. For a minute or two, Tommy's brain shorted out as he stared at it, the horse steadily trotting forward through now snow-free, but still frozen landscape.  
  
Using the spire as a beacon. It's poetic. Reminder of the lowest low that he reached, towering tall.  
  
He snapped out of it, eyes still round and unfocused, and only looked down at the mane for the rest of the trip.  
  
The animal seemed to know where to go, somehow. Like it's already travelled this road. Another half hour later, they scaled the hill, the clearing coming into view. A wave of frigid sea wind hit Tommy's face, stinging. Through half-naked trees the darkness and constant rippling of the sea would hypnotize an untrained eye. Tommy was too tortured by the view. He dismounted Carl, boots meeting decayed leaves and frozen ground.  
  


Tommy kept his arms close to himself as he walked, each step more taxing than the last. He felt numbness be replaced by something incomprehensibly strong and heavy. He felt like there was a whole ocean trapped within him. Storms and Mariana trenches and all.

He suddenly felt very alone.

  
  
On the edge of the clearing, there was a tombstone. Same one he put there months ago. Naturally, crevises have grown bigger due to cold, moss mass expanded....

  
  
The top that had been uneven and ugly was chipped off and polished. The epitaph went deeper into the rock surface. It was a more thorough, more careful engraving. Done with appropriate tools, concentration, and love.  
  
  


  
  
**Wilbur Soot**  
  
**a good person**  
**forever remembered**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, hope this made you feel things!! Comments are super appreciated, have a great life ♡♡♡


End file.
